A Day of Thanks: Gratitude is a Huge Part of Success

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States. I just ate two plates of a traditional turkey dinner with my Mother and my extended family the Agrestos.

Everyday, I strive to start my day expressing gratitude for the many blessings in my life so for me Thanksgiving is a holiday reminder of what we should be doing daily in our lives.

I am so very thankful for having a loving family, friends who are like family, my precious son...but looking a little closer, there are just so many things we can really be thankful for. How often do we take the little things for granted? How many sunsets and sunrises do you ignore each day? How many times do you type at your own keyboard just like I am right now, able to connect to the world through you keyboard, use your hands and fingers to express in words the way you think and feel? How many times have you shared a smile with someone who needed it at just that moment? Truthfully, every breath of air we breathe is a blessing. Tapping into this we can feel so blessed at the abundance of this world and life.

This is my first holiday away from my son. I miss him, but I'm so thankful he is healthy and alive. So grateful to have the privilege of being his Dad. So thankful I can use Skype to call him later and see him in real time right on my computer screen.

I'm thankful also for you, that you believe enough in me to read these words.

May your day be a blessed and magical time well spent with friends and family.

All the best!
Bill White

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Michael Richards Resorts To Racism To Defend His Comedy: Hitting Below The Belt

The headline grabs me this morning, Richards Apologizes for Racially-Charged Rant.
Since people used to approach me a decade ago telling me I looked like Jerry Seinfeld I of course give this the obligatory 30 second once over.

Lately there have been a lot of racial comments coming from public figures and always with the apology coming afterwards. I find it simply saddening.

We've come a long way here in the U.S. when it comes to diversity and integration. I remember riding an hour to school in Junior High so I could go to a "racially mixed" school. I remember as a kid having friends who would say, "Bill, you're the coolest "white guy" I know."

Years later, a friend of mine asked me why he had to be a cool "black guy" and not just a guy and I finally really got the idea that while we recognize certainly with our eyes the racial differences in appearance, we don't have to acknowledge them as labels. Truthfully, people should be judged purely on their character alone.

Now I have a son of my own, and we have never taught him the labels. The few times he has ever inquired, we tell him that God created different varieties of people because he loves diversity. Thus, my son identifies his friends by name, with no mention of anything but their character. These are great improvements in our way of relating to one another.

Yet, it seems that often, when pressure comes to bear, we revert back to our cultural past, fishing ugly comments about race or religion...to take a quick "sucker punch" at our adversary. Why does this happen? It's laziness. Michael would have done so much better if he'd just called the hecklers jerks...which is a reflection on their character not their color. Simply put, two wrongs don't make a right.

Our world is getting smaller, and we all have to take the care and consideration for cultural and racial differences. These are things we shouldn't reject as unfamiliar but rather embrace as wonderful opportunities to learn new perspectives.

Going further, we have to also forgive those who slip back into these antiquated modes even if only briefly, because deep down most all of us have had to unlearn unhealthy attitudes. If we don't, we risk all slipping backward two or three decades inflicting pain for pain.

Let's all take the high road here. Let's truely grow up. Let's set a better example for our children.

All the best!
Bill White

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Things I Learned From My Marriage and Divorce About Success

I don't think many people set out to get married with divorce in mind. I certainly meant every word of my vows when I said them and I spent 7 years with my wife trying to honor those vows. Bringing a child into the mix created a further sense of importance in the family structure and an even more imperative reminder that keeping the family together is the best thing. Despite this, my wife pulled the plug. Through out our marriage we struggled with differences in values, communication skills, working a multi-party budget (or the lack thereof) and the sometimes inevitable clashing of dreams and goals.

I'm happy to say my strong relationship with my son continues. His relationship with me as his father is the central defining guidepost I live by. Amazingly, I'm not bitter about the end of my marriage. I hold no ill will to my ex-wife. I find myself exhilarated by the enormous latitude of possibilities that are spread out in front of me.

So what character building lessons have I taken away from this experience? Wow, I certainly grew by light years being in a serious relationship for so long. Prior to being married, life for me was one big party. Settling down and learning what the real priorities of life are has been an awe inspiring lesson. Having a child redefines almost everything overnight. The reckless risks I would take a decade ago would never occur to me now.

One thing I really became aware of is the emerging changes to the family structure and how expectations are really out of whack in contemporary relationships. I grew up believing in fairy tales, but I have always had a deep sense of responsibility and a strong tendency toward realism. As my marriage progressed I couldn't understand why my wife, a homemaker, refused to tend to the needs my Mother so diligently took care of for my Father. There is an overlap between the old way and the new way and it can be very toxic. From my perspective, I watched her believe in the fairy tale when it came to the knight rushing in to save the princess. But that is usually where the fairy tale ends...they lived happily ever after. I think to some degree women still like to be taken care of but I think the part of the story that needs to be told is that a) the princess can be saved...even every day, but she must tend to the battle wounds the knight receives out on the battle field. The knight can't keep winning if he has another dragon to fight when he gets home every day. b) it was always the princess who won the knight's love, not the evil queen.

I'm not a male chauvenist. I love to see women live powerfully. But when the exchange of power becomes a battle of wills, it really boils down to what my college biology professor used to exclaim every morning, Lead, Follow, or GET OUT OF THE WAY.

I've learned you can't negotiate with ultimatums. Relationships are built on compromise, trust, honesty and good communication.

Most importantly, I've learned that sometimes reality can redefine your values. I don't believe in divorce. Here I am, living without my wife. The moral dilemna is one I'm still reckoning with, but I know that somehow this is the best thing. I had grown as far as I could in my marriage. Truthfully I was exhausted by carrying so much of the weight in the relationship.

My wife accused me of resenting having a family. Nothing could have been further from the truth. What I did resent though, was feeling that I was the "hired hand" that slept in the guest room and was expected to work and support a woman who didn't love me.

Will I date, or marry again? Marriage is a serious subject, a very serious commitment. I can't say I will or won't. I'm in no rush to date again, though I'd say the possibilities are already being presented. (Some very tempting indeed!)

Finally, I'll tell you one more gem I gained from my relationship. This has proven true in my business life as well. You usually end up with whatever you negotiate in the beginning. It's important to be clear what your expectations are, and communicate them effectively, then never settle for less.

All the best!
Bill White

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Lessons In Faith: Synchronicity and Success

It never ceases to amaze me how great life changes while appearing scary always have major room for opportunity if you keep the proper perspective.

After 7 years my wife decided to pull the plug on us. This was a struggle for me, because I don't believe in divorce. For me, the religous upbringing I had taught me that "a man should not put away his wife, nor a wife her husband." That aside, there is also the stress it puts on my son, who I care more about than anything. Having to walk away from all of the dreams we built, the day to day of living with my son...all very difficult.

BUT, I found it interesting that the day before I moved out my son and I looked at a house that is just perfect for me. Not to mention that I got a call the day I was leaving letting me know a company who I intended to do business with was interested in me. Yes, there is a silver lining.

It's amazing but true that sometimes it isn't the things you need to be doing but the things you need to let go off that really counts if you want to aspire to your greatness.

I travelled 1384 miles back to my hometown and found everything gathering back into a perfect order. Soon, I'll make the 1384 miles back to Texas to be close to my son. Everything lining up in a perfect sequence like some intelligence guided my through this with the minimum of casualty.

I learned a long time ago to step out in faith, trusting that all would be ok and I've consistently found it to be true. Fear is nothing more than false evidence appearing real. It's an illusion. We only feel pain from what we resist.

I hope this entry will give you some strength in whatever you may be going through.

All the best!
Bill White

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