Monday, October 15, 2007

Do You Have Trouble Dealing With Negative People?

The check out lady at the grocery store snaps at you, "C'mon lady I haven't got all day," as you fumble for your debit card. The teenager flips you off as he nearly broadsides you in traffic because you weren't driving as fast as he would like.

Let's face it, no matter how spiritual you strive to be, there will be those you encounter that will knock you right off center. People will thoughtlessly fun over your feelings and lash out in anger. For some, this takes an emotional toll. My ex-wife would sometimes have experiences like this and be saddened by it for an entire day. I must admit being an Amiable personality type, I've even been plagued at times by bouts of despair over the harsh way people can be as well.

But don't worry, I have a solution! You see, I was reminded by the words of Jesus. He said, "Forgive them for they know not what they do." One day, this struck me. You know I started finding compassion for these angry people. I began to imagine what their reality must be like to lash out in such ways. Can you just imagine? Obviously people don't act this way when they have lives full of love and success. This got me thinking about just what was causing the anger in the first place.

I began a different approach. I must admit when I was younger I was the type to react. At one time I considered having the word KARMA tattooed across my knuckles. This may give you some indication of how I thought best to deal with it at the time.
Now, however, I realize that when someone lashes out in anger and you react with fear or anger in response, you are in effect giving your power away to that person.

So I started looking at these people when they behaved this way and telling them, "I forgive you." Sometimes they never heard it..zipping by at 95 miles an hour in a car on a cell phone, the words dissipated into the ether without a single notice from them. Other times, these simple words produced the most profound effect. There have been times when I've said this that I saw an incredible look on the person's face. A jarring disbelief, confusion, as if I'd just showed them a glimpse of the almighty himself. There have been occassions, when after repeating these words 2 or 3 times, the person has actually broken down and began to cry. This is perfect, it causes them to release their pain.

This is the secret of angry people. They are acting out of pain. When we forgive them we open a pressure valve and that pain is released. We give them comfort, and what's best, when they least expect it.

I encourage you to try this. You don't have to accept the responsibility for another person's pain. This is the con people try to play, it's called the shotgun blame game. They are in pain and looking to blame and they randomly direct it in all in their path.

A friend of mine was a healer, and he used to say, "If someone attacks me, I take that as permission to heal them." Forgiveness is an incredible cure for pain, and it allows you to keep your power at the same time.

All the best!
Bill White
The Synchronicity Expert

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Are You A Victim Or An Abuser Of The Grip?

It was a drunken Saturday night at Red's Place some fifteen years ago when I first heard about the grip. I was young, just over the legal age, and had a few shots too many, enjoying a "bacchanalian" night on the town so typical for that period of my life.

A woman sat at the bar next to my good friend and mentor, talking spirituality (both of them into that) and discussing me. She said something about the "grip" referring to the way he kept me under his wing and they had a protracted debate over whether or not he was using it.

I had no idea what they were talking about at the time, but I've come to understand what she meant.

In almost every human interaction there are certain unspoken expectations that we all keep secretly under the surface. Examples of this would be:

asking someone out because you want to sleep with them while appearing on the surface to not have that as a priority on your mind

wanting to start a partnership with someone who has money while plotting to drain them of their assets while not performing your duties in the business

Your boss asks you to work overtime frequently with a promise to look at promoting you when in reality they have no intention of ever doing so

You see, the "grip" is when you are subtly manipulating a person to get a selfish benefit out of it. There is a degree of psychic influence you can exert as you conceal your true intentions. It comes about when people are attached to a particular outcome. The name of this game is "control."

Any violation of the respect for a person's free will will result in a karmic debt. "You reap what you sow." or "What comes around goes around."

So what are we to do about the problem?

On your end, make sure that your intentions are transparent. This requires good communication and it means being open and honest. You should make it a point to never use guilt, fear or taking something away as a means to getting what you want. These actions are "dirty pool" and they not only contaminate your victim but you as well. This is why Jesus talked so much about being selfless. The "grip" is effective but it comes at a high cost.

To defend yourself from the grip, you begin by asking a lot of questions before agreeing to anything. You should look the person in the eye and watch for signs of deception. Are they nervous? Do they have a hard time maintaining eye contact? Are they maybe even sweating a bit?

Next, go inside. Pay attention to how things feel on a "gut" level. Is your stomach contracting into a knot? Are you feeling anxiety? Distrust? What does the small voice inside of you recommend?

The grip is used by people who know what you want badly. They realize that if they can give you what you want, they can take what they want without you realizing their intent in advance.

These scenarios can last decades if played by a skillful "grip" master. They may or may not be fully aware of what they're doing but on some level they know they are getting over on you and this sets the dynamic of a power imbalance.

Energy should always flow through people that are involved on any level without force. Energy is meant to be shared, not stolen.

So watch out for the "grip" and mind that you don't use it yourself.

All the best!

Bill White

The Synchronicity Expert